WASHINGTON - The National Republican Teachers Association (NRTA), the nation's largest organization of confused people, announced today that they will be holding a membership-wide conference to "figure out how in the hell we became so damn stupid."
"We're teachers," said Buffalo, New York, elementary-school teacher Judy Swivla, "we're supposed to be smart. And, well, looks at us—we're Republicans! Republicans hate teachers! We might as well be cows in the Burger King party!"
NRTA president Ed Wilkins, a ninth-grade math teacher in Omaha, Nebraska, said many Republican teachers he'd talked to expressed similar sentiments. "We're social conservatives," he said, "so naturally we're members of the Republican Party. But we're also teachers, and lately we've realized that it's kind like African-Americans being members of the Ku Klux Klan Party because they're into nifty hats. I mean it just doesn't make a lot of sense."
Wilkins said he and other Republican teachers were "sick of being called 'thugs'" by people like Rush Limbaugh. "Rush Limbaugh calls us thugs," he said. "Good Lord. Good, good Lord."