Dude: My car's broken.
Me: What's it doing?
D: It won't shift out of first gear.
Me: Dang. Sounds like a transmission problem. Better take it to a mechanic.
D: A mechanic?! I'm not taking my car to some witch doctor!
Me: Witch doctor? WTF?
D: You can't diagnose what's wrong with a car! It's a mystery!
Me: Dude. Mechanics study cars, learn how they work, and learn how to fix them when they stop working.
D: Yeah, right! Like mechanics aren't part of a global scheme to make us all think there's something unnatural about cars breaking down!
Me: Dude. Mechanics fix cars all the time.
D: Mechanics just say they know how to fix cars because they want money!
Me: Mechanics have to eat, pay rent...
D: George Soros wants us all to give our cars to they government and become slaves to the big government highway!
Me: So, you just going to keep driving around in your broken car?
D: I'll adjust! Pretty soon we'll be able to drive all the way across Antarctica in the winter time!
Me: Uh, don't leave the metaphor, man...
D: WARMER WEATHER MEANS BIGGER TOMATOES!!!