Tip For Americans: The Corniolis Effect

Americans coming to Australia have to give their bodies time to adjust not just to the significant time difference, but to the new way that their bodies are processing food. You see, in Australia, and in the Southern Hemisphere in general, food travels through the esophagus and intestines in a counter-clockwise motion—the opposite of how food travels in the Northern Hemisphere. It also exits your body in this manner, which is actually helpful, giving the whole "toilets flush the other way" business.

This is due to something called the Corniolis Effect, named for something I won't go into here, but let's just say it has to do with the manner in which corn digests (or doesn't), which aided in the Effect's discovery.

The best way to deal with this new manner of digestion is to drink lots of beer—that's why the Aussies do it.

This has been another "Tips For Americans," from Little Australia. You're welcome.

My Aussie Drivers License, and a Tip for Americans

I got my official New South Wales drivers license, and am also enrolled in the Australian national socialized communist Nazi healthcare system, Medicare.

I am now free to be bitten by some venomous creature.

Tips for Americans in Australia: Crossing the Road

Now this might seem obvious, but truly: Look to the right when you go to cross a road. You do not know how ingrained it is in you, a citizen of a right-side-drive country, to look to the left, where the nearest oncoming traffic will naturally be, when you cross the street. Once safely in the street you then naturally look to the right for oncoming traffic in the far lane. In Australia, where they of course drive on the left side, I can now say with experience, if you look to the left and amble into the road, then look to the right, you will see, in the lane you’re standing in, a tiny car with an Aussie driver, a Sydney driver, who has been programmed to drive in furious bursts between stops, barreling toward you. You will have a moment of contemptuous outrage: What the hell is that idiot doing in the wrong lane? You may even dash for safety into the far lane—looking, naturally, to the right—only to find that some idiot is driving the wrong direction in that lane, too. What the hell is wrong with this country? you will think, if the terror of being in the middle of a busy street with a bunch of apparently drunk Australians affords you the luxury of thought.