Fox's John Stossel: "I Only Pledge Allegiance to Wealthy America"

WASHINGTON - Fox News creepy person John Stossel announced on the morning show "Fox & Friends of Creepy People" that he doesn't pledge allegiance to "the whole America," because "that would be kind of communistic."

"The idea that we should feel allegiance to all of our fellow citizens," Stossel said, "is just some Lefty peace-and-love idea. It's straight out of Marx. Just like we shouldn't socialize our money, or our health care, we shouldn't socialize our allegiance. If, for example, Al Qaeda attacks us again, but this time they wipe out some city where there's nothing but a bunch of people on welfare—am I going to feel the same kind of loss and anger like I felt the day they attacked Wall Street? Hardly. "

"They'd be kinda doing us a favor there," co-host Brian Kilmeade said, to laughs.

"The 'Pledge of Allegiance' needs to be rewritten," Stossel continued. "It should say, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the wealthy people that make it the greatest country in the world, and not all the lazy poor people all over the place who are constantly asking for handouts like unemployment insurance and minimum wage and on and on and on - why don't you just get a good job like rich people do? - with liberty and justice for the hard-working rich people who deserve it."

"Amen," added Kilmeade emphatically.

Photo credit.

Aussie MPs Get ANOTHER Pay Rise

A note from little old me to Australian MPs: You are out of your freaking minds:

Federal MPs have reportedly received a $5550 pay rise, just three months after pocketing a $44,000 salary boost. 

You read that right: Three months ago the Australian government executed sweeping changes in MP pay and benefit packages (some benefits were actually cut), resulting in backbencher pay going up $44, 090 a year, from $140,910 to $185,000.

That was backbenchers: Opposition Leader (Tony Abbott presently) got a $81,564 a year boost, upping his salary from $260,684 to $342,250.

And the Prime Minister: Ms. Gillard's salary jumped by an incredible $114,000, from $366,366 to $481,000.

And now, three months later, they're getting another raise.

Holy shit. I mean just holy damn shit. (Yes, this is decided by the "Independent Renumeration Tribunal," but it's not like the MPs couldn't do something about it, if they wished.)

American Exceptionalism

I was sitting in one of my Oregon haunts, the Wild Goose - in the bar in back - one afternoon a few years ago when two guys walked in. They took a seat in the corner and Dennis the bartender quickly had two beers at their table.

There were two guys at the bar speaking German. (I know this because I speak pretty good German.) I don't know if I sensed something or what, but I started paying attention, because something wasn't right: The dudes who had just walked in had immediately become very uncomfortable. They looked like they were about to shit their pants, to be truthful, and it was all about the two guys a the bar—speaking a foreign language. The Germans weren't doing anything other than talking—they were just sitting there, talking. They hadn't even looked around the room that I noticed. 

The two dudes in the corner didn't say a word to each other. They sat in stunned silence. It was as if they had walked in to find a goat on top of the bar being raped by a gorilla. And nobody cared! Everybody just sat there, as if speaking in a foreign language was some kind of okay thing to do! Why wasn't this outrage being stopped?!

After just a few minutes the two dudes suddenly got up from their table and walked, arms swinging, toward the door.

"So long guys!"called Dennis from behind the bar, oblivious to the dudes' outrage.

"Yeah," mumbled one, looking back over a pumping shoulder. "We'll be back, and when we do WE'LL TALK ENGLISH!" and SLAM, out the door they went, I'm sure with a feeling of great conquest in their loins. The Germans never even noticed them.

Every time I hear the phrase "American exceptionalism," I remember that afternoon.

About the "47% of Americans don't pay taxes!" crap

Most lies like this are worth ignoring, but this one keeps cropping up, and it just did again.

For starters, it's 100% wrong. The 47% figure is about federal income tax, not taxes in general. The great majority of people who work - even those 47% who don't pay federal income tax - still pay taxes, as in payroll taxes, etc, and just about all of us pay taxes, local, state, and/or federal, on various things we buy, too. So again: Wrong. Not true. Dishonest. A lie. Take your pick - but if you hear people spreading this crap, educate their sorry asses.

Secondly, at what point does the fact that 47% of Americans DON'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FEDERAL INCOME TAX bother people for the right reasons, rather than inhumane political reasons?

In other words, Stop being horrible dishonest asspeople. You might actually enjoy it.